My weekdays have always been long, and there wasn’t a day that I didn’t wish for time to fly fast, so I could go home and rest.
Now, my weekdays are longer, and I’d still move the time forward if I could, but so that I can be with Ne-yo and hold him close to me.
The day I went back to work, I told myself that I will not think about his lopsided smile or his toothless grin. I was determined to get through the separation anxiety stage.
But I rush home everyday from the office and leave the house in the morning as late as travel time would allow.
In the morning, I would not look at him, just before I step out of the house. I don’t want him to see me leaving. And in the evening, I would snatch him away from his nanny the second I arrive and darn the time I needed to dress, eat and do my toilet.
I hated it that I could not bathe him myself and regretted the two weeks that I had not been able to do so because I didn’t know it was OK to do it very early in the morning. And even though I have bathing moments to share with him everyday now, I still miss him terribly and wish that I could spend more time with him.
I still remember that first day when I pulled my bag out and he looked at the bag and frowned. It was as if my baby knew that I’ll be leaving him. And that broke my heart. And since then, he would be awake, just as I am getting ready for work, when he would be sleeping deeply in the past. I just know that he knows when I’m leaving.
And now he has adjusted to our new schedule. He has gotten used to it. But I’m still a long way to go from accepting that I can’t see his every smile, talk to him every time he’s awake, and witness all of his milestones.
Look mom, I can twist my body already!
It’s difficult being away from him when all I wanted is to be with him. And for him to know that I’m there. Will always be there. In all of his sleeping and waking moments.
I love you my baby. Mommy hates leaving you everyday. When you’re so little and helpless, and dependent on others. Please know that even though mommy is not around, mommy loves you so very much and that she’s thinking of you all day.
awww!! this made me teary-eyed =( since october started, i couldn’t help but think and be afraid of the day i’ll be going back to work [on november] =( haayyy…
*hugs hugs hugs*
chell, are you sure about decision to be a wahm/sahm? i didn’t quite catch it in this post… or have you changed your mind again. or i was just so dense and was not able to read between the lines? huhu
i had your exact same thoughts (of quitting my job) when he was also about 3 months old, i was able to surpass that.. yes, i also thought of him every minute i was away from him, but i was able to overcome that. it is because he was just all sleep and eat then, very basic needs.
however, it is a little different now.. aren is 9 months old today and his milestones seem to be doubling by the day. at this stage their development is very fast. it is more fun to be interacting with babies at this stage. but unfortunately for me, i just have to content myself with doing this every night, every weekend, and every declared holiday, or every day that i file a leave from work.
it is not that my baby is not my priority, but in the light of many things, this is the best setup for us so far. no matter where we are, what we do, we will still be and always be their mothers and not a single minute passes by that we do have their best intentions to heart.
sorry for the uber long comment! i don’t even know what my point is! sorry!!
sis!
yup! sure na!
when i wrote this post actually, i wasn’t decided yet, so don’t worry about being too dense and all, hehe. noticed how i’m so emotional here (in this post).
you’re lucky sis, at least with aren you have your mom looking after him. my neyo’s often just alone with a nanny and help. and i just can’t take it anymore!!!
puro tagalog movies naririning ng anak ko pag wala ako, aba teka lang, sinabi ng patugtugin ang nursery rhymes e..heheh
won’t be long now
and no need to justify your decision
we were in the same boat right? don’t worry, he knows you 
*hugs hugs*