My heart was not into CS delivery Friday, July 10, 2009

 

I prayed and asked God for a clear sign and guidance and my OB texted me this:

 

 

MERCY, DO NOT BE AFRAID.

WE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU.

 

 

I was scheduled to have an elective CS delivery tomorrow at seven AM. The reason being the baby is large for his gestational age. I should have been at the hospital now, preparing for my operation in the morning. All day, I have been feeling sad at what having a CS operation means. That I may never have a normal delivery in the future, that I may only have 3 babies if they will all be delivered through CS, that I may not be able to carry NeYo immediately after the operation, that I will have layers of stitches in my body and that those will adhere to muscles inside which may pose risk for future deliveries, and that there’s also a chance they’ll adhere to my bladder and will cause it to rupture. There are just too many things running through my mind.

 

But I was ready to go to the hospital when the time comes.

 

Until I learned that my nephew was 8.6lbs when my older sister delivered him. I knew of course that she labored and delivered without anesthesia, but I never knew for sure the baby’s weight. [I was too young then to be interested in such things]. Until today. And the thing that suddenly confused me is knowing we have the same body built. I’m even bigger than her. And NeYo is approximated to be 8.5lbs only.

 

I found myself suddenly balking at having a CS immediately and reconsidering labor induction. Ian and I exchanged arguments. It isn’t just my baby after all. He wanted the baby to be a hundred percent safe. I do too. But I do not want to go through in life forever wondering if I would have delivered NeYo vaginally if I had waited a few more days.

 

I prayed and asked God what’s best for us. To give me a sign of His will and I will calmly accept it. Whether I should try for a normal delivery or end the waiting with a CS delivery. Then I received a call from my OB. The hospital was waiting for our confirmation because another mother needed the operating room. I said that I will give my final decision in ten minutes but my OB said there’s no hurry and we could schedule it on Monday. I don’t know if it was my fear subsiding but I felt a sense of relief running throughout my body. She then informed me through text that she cancelled the operation already and that we will try induction of labor next week. In a separate text, in bold letters, she also sent the message that I took as assurance from God. That He will take care of us. Wherever that will lead us, CS or normal, I don’t know. I’m just leaving everything up to Him.